3 Favs
Favorite Pet Picture: Today, in honor of National Burrito Day, I introduce to you: Ham-Samich (AKA Hank)! Why? Because it’s April Fools’ Day…and he’s really adorable - be sure to check him out his bunny ears!
Hank is a goofy guy who got dumped and is ready to love again. He’s smart, adventurous, and waiting for you to introduce him to his new furever family. He’s currently being fostered through Bullies and Buddies.
Favorite Book Quote: Start Where You Are: A Guide to Compassionate Living by Pema Chödrön
Life is glorious, but life is also wretched. It is both. Appreciating the gloriousness inspires us, encourages us, cheers us up, gives us a bigger perspective, energizes us. We feel connected. But if that's all that's happening, we get arrogant and start to look down on others, and there is a sense of making ourselves a big deal and being really serious about it, wanting it to be like that forever. The gloriousness becomes tinged by craving and addiction. On the other hand, wretchedness--life's painful aspect--softens us up considerably. Knowing pain is a very important ingredient of being there for another person. When you are feeling a lot of grief, you can look right into somebody's eyes because you feel you haven't got anything to lose--you're just there. The wretchedness humbles us and softens us, but if we were only wretched, we would all just go down the tubes. We'd be so depressed, discouraged, and hopeless that we wouldn't have enough energy to eat an apple. Gloriousness and wretchedness need each other. One inspires us, the other softens us. They go together.
Random Favorite: Serendipity
I love it when seemingly random things pop up that support the ideas I’ve been meditating on. I’d just finished answering the question of the week and hadn’t quite finished writing my “favorites”. I was listening to some videos while doing some housework and one called Sandra Ingerman Teaches on Transforming Toxic Thoughts happened to come up. The website had never offered me this video before so I played it. I loved how her ideas about clearing anger perfectly resonated with my answer to the question of the day. If you relate to the question, I recommend watching the video and practicing some of her techniques!
What were some of your favorite things this week?
& a Q
Some of the links in today’s answer require a subscription. If you want to access that info for free, let me know and I’ll set it up for you! See the “Be a part of it all!” section to find out more.
Question: I have a family member that I love very much. But I don’t often like this person. Our communication has become very unloving. Everything this person does causes me to react with anger. How do we get out of the roles we continually fall in and get back to loving interactions?
First, I’d like to say that I’m very sorry for what you’re going through. It can’t be easy. Second, you must remember that you cannot control another person; you can only control yourself (as anyone who has every tried to make a toddler go to sleep will attest to). However, when you begin to shift into being the person you want to be, you will most likely see a shift in your loved one as well.
It sounds as if you want to be more loving and less angry. That takes a lot when you emotions are being continually triggered by someone. The people we are closest to are sometimes our greatest teachers.
So here is what you can do. Even if you’re feeling angry and bitter toward that person, connect with love. Visualize the love (and like) you once had, or the love you have for something or someone else. Let that love fill up your heart. When you look at, think about, or talk to your person, do so as if you’re trying to woo a new love. (Don’t get nauseated if your person is your brother, just stay with me.) Give complements, give small gifts (like a dandelion picked from the grass outside or a stone that you’ve drawn a heart on or a childhood memento you’ve found), do a chore that the person is typically responsible for, use loving touches (squeezing a shoulder, holding a hand, a pat on the back, or some playful punches), and make some time to spend with the person alone (ask if you can join them in something they enjoy doing or perhaps you could just go for a walk together). Do as many of these love language activities as many times per day as you can. Evaluate which love languages your person responds best to and then do those most often.
You’re not actually trying to win the other person’s love. You’re actually wooing the loving part of yourself back to you through loving thoughts and actions. What this is allowing you to do is remember your own love. Do this for a month and see how it affects the relationship.
You’ll also want to determine what it is that triggers you. What makes you disproportionately angry? Make a list. Then make a plan. How would you rather act in those situations? Write those down. Then keep that list where you can constantly review and practice in your mind.
The last, and most important, thing is to forgive yourself. Guilt for how your relationship is right now is not forwarding. Let go of the past and decide to create the future loving relationship that you desire.
Other exercises you might want to go back to again or even practice regularly are:
3-Breath Meditation - for when your brain need a change
Triggers - for days when everything gets to you
Watch Your Emotions - to handle your emotions differently
Make the Right More Right - to clear your energy and the energy of a situation
Energy of Earth and Heaven - for when you need a reset
Shake it Off - for when you’re feeling frustrated or angry
Those are like first-aid for bad days. There are so many other meditations at the archives that might feel supportive on your journey. Look at the ones that support you to reset when you’re upset, look at the situation differently, or understand and heal your emotions.
You might be asking, “If I want to focus on love, why would I do exercises that focus on anger and frustration?”. It’s a reasonable question. Remember when I mentioned how the people you’re closest to, who challenge you the most, are your best teachers? These meditations help you work through your “stuff” so you’re more available learn the lessons those people teach, be more loving, and experience more love.
Disclaimer: If you are dealing with abuse on either side, please get the help you need. Also, this is not medical, legal, or financial advice. If that is what you’re looking for, please see the appropriate professional for your needs.
Best wishes to you as you become the person you truly are and allow yourself to have the relationship you desire.
Month & Week in Review
Just in case you missed them, here are the weekly emails from the last month:
Question: What does being afraid of death mean?
Question: How do we work toward equality?
Question: What wisdom do I have to share?
Question: I still step back into my old patterns. What do I do about it?
Question: You’re always talking about “surrender”. How do I do that?
Here is the subscriber-only content you may have missed this last week. Remember, the daily energy updates are relevant for the day, but the meditations and exercises can be done at any time!
Friday: Be Water
Saturday: Clean it Up
Sunday: Religious Illumination
Monday: Reconnect with Yourself
Tuesday: Eye of the Storm
Wednesday: Commit to Your Best Self
Today: Smile
Be a part of it all!
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Did you like what you read today or do you just want to make sure people get to see Ham-Samich’s sweet face?
Do you know someone who would benefit from going with the flow rather than fighting the current?