Cheeseburger Charlie & Why do I still get sad about the loss of my loved one?
3 Favs & a Q - September 18, 2022
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3 Favs
Favorite Pet Picture: In honor of #NationalCheeseburgerDay, meet Cheeseburger Charlie. He is a two year old pit bull terrier mix who was returned to the rescue after being attacked by another dog. He need a family that can support him through the residual trauma of that experience. He loves children and romping around and would make a great hiking partner. But, because of his past, he needs to be an only-doggie. He is currently being cared for through Outcast Rescue. If you know his fur-ever family, pass this along and introduce them!
Favorite Book Quote: The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel A. van der Kolk
“Trauma victims cannot recover until they become familiar with and befriend the sensations in their bodies. Being frightened means that you live in a body that is always on guard. Angry people live in angry bodies. The bodies of child-abuse victims are tense and defensive until they find a way to relax and feel safe. In order to change, people need to become aware of their sensations and the way that their bodies interact with the world around them. Physical self-awareness is the first step in releasing the tyranny of the past.
In my practice I begin the process by helping my patients to first notice and then describe the feelings in their bodies—not emotions such as anger or anxiety or fear but the physical sensations beneath the emotions: pressure, heat, muscular tension, tingling, caving in, feeling hollow, and so on. I also work on identifying the sensations associated with relaxation or pleasure. I help them become aware of their breath, their gestures and movements.
All too often, however, drugs such as Abilify, Zyprexa, and Seroquel, are prescribed instead of teaching people the skills to deal with such distressing physical reactions. Of course, medications only blunt sensations and do nothing to resolve them or transform them from toxic agents into allies.
The mind needs to be reeducated to feel physical sensations, and the body needs to be helped to tolerate and enjoy the comforts of touch. Individuals who lack emotional awareness are able, with practice, to connect their physical sensations to psychological events. Then they can slowly reconnect with themselves.”Random Favorite: Postcards from a War by Vanita Oelschlager
This picture book is about a grandfather and grandson relating over their parents going to war. The grandfather tells about his father going to the Philippines in World War II. What was most amazing about this book was that it helped me relate my grandfather’s story and my husband’s grandfather’s story to my family. All three men, Colonel Wilfred Bauknight U.S.A.R. from the story, and our grandfathers all had different rolls to play in the Philippines at that time. It inspired me to learn more about what happened to them and how those experiences are affecting my family even now.
What were some of your favorite things this week?
& a Q
Question: Why do I still get sad about the loss of my loved one even though I can feel him with me when I need him?
Because you are human.
There is a song called “I’m Already There” by Lonestar.
It’s the story of a daddy who has to be away from his family:
A little voice came on the phone
Said, "Daddy when you coming home?"
He said the first thing that came to his mind
I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh, I'm already there
I don’t know about you, but those words make me cry EVERY TIME - and that daddy is still alive. Even if we can connect in spirit with our loved ones who have gone on, even if we feel their kiss in the sunshine and hear their voice on the wind, we still want them with us in person and it hurts when they can’t be.
And, while that pain is a blessing because it’s magnitude shows us how great the love we shared was, it still hurts. It can hurt so badly that it feels like you might die. And while you might be amazed that you’re not dead from the pain, grief doesn’t work like that. It can’t kill you unless you let it.
So, feel sad. That is the most healthy thing you can do.
But know that as you feel your feelings, they’ll move through you. Emotions can pop up when you least expect them. But, they only last in the brain and body for about 90 second. So if you can get through each wave, you can move on stronger than before.
And keep connecting with your loved one. Because he IS with you and he DOES want you to be happy.
Even though it might feel dark right now, light will come, if you let it.
However, if the darkness feels too great to bear, you may be experiencing more that sadness. You may be experiencing trauma. Support is available, if you choose it.
Best wishes to you.
So, how did I do? Do you have any thoughts on the matter? Leave a comment! Do you have a question of your own you’d like to submit? Reply to this email.
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Month in Review
Just in case you missed them, here are the weekly emails from the last month:
Question: Why send compassion to our attackers?
Question: Why should I even bother with things I can’t touch and feel?
Question: What is my purpose?
Question: How do I get back to my pre-motherhood self?
Question: How can I start being the person I believe I am?
Week in Review
Here is the subscriber-only content you may have missed this last week. Remember, the daily energy updates are relevant for the day, but the exercises can be done at any time! I’ve just come back from a break so there are only a couple to review.
Monday: Move Your Body
Tuesday: Notice the Trees
Wednesday: Move Forward with Gratitude
Thursday: Read a Book
Friday: Manifest Something Small
Saturday: Tree Ceremony
Today: Keep Quiet
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